Suprise appearance at Womens Hall of Fame

Iowa Statute of Limitations on Sex Abuse did not protect Iowa

I am Jessica Nicole

My journey and fight against my own mental health has been intresting to say the least! I struggle EVERY F'n day but I can proudly say that I AM A SURVIVOR!

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When you sit for days thinking about where to start, my advice would be to just start. Because in my case, those days turned into years. Let me just start with, having the option of living any type of “normal” life was never given to me. Survival mode was the only mode that

I am Jessica Nicole

I knew. Living in small towns made me who I am today. Now knowing that my own grandmother knew what was happening and turned her head and went back to sleep, it’s heart breaking. She was always angry and agitated with me and I mean now I understand why! I tried to keep her happy, I needed her to want us! But, the REAL goal was to take off from the tiny town, get to my mom and get my siblings far enough away from there!

I had a plan, never look back. At that point, I had no idea what it meant to be coached or groomed. By the time I was fourteen, he had stopped coming into my room but the damage was done. I thought that I still needed them, grooming is very real! Swear I wasn’t sure what to do and honestly the only person that I knew could help me was my mother.

When I took off and moved from that little town, my life officially began. I was no longer that “pageant girl”, the “Roger’s kid” or “one of them kids from the “deadly car wreck”, I was finally someone that no-one knew. If they only knew the whole story! As a woman, looking back; I’m disgusted. Every fucking person that could have helped, turned their head to the abuse. I knew what was happening to me was wrong, I honestly didn’t know how to tell someone! I thought being uncomfortable was just part of life. Until I didn’t think that anymore! A good portion of my childhood we were shuffled from one abusive environment to another, all I knew was survival mode. Sexual abuse involving small children was basically a damn norm where I am from! When my lil bff told me about her stepdad in middle school, it tore my little soul apart that I could only console her and not confide in her. I couldn't tell her, if she was to tell my secret, I just knew we would be sent to a foster home.

I knew that I needed my mom, I knew she had a rough life, the same tiny town almost took her down. Then my father, he was incredibly abusive to all of us and I witnessed a time or two how he would do her. She was young and abused, she had never faced her trauma and that is where I can now relate. The same person that was supposed to have her back and protect her, was also supposed to have mine and see how that turned out. My grandmother was vicious, controlling, strict, angry and just fucking evil! She made it very clear that my siblings and I were a burden. Being told weekly that no one else wanted us and that if we didn’t live with her, we would be placed in foster homes. This was her way of controlling me, knowing that I would do anything to protect them!

Mental Health is Real