I speak from experience: I had no fucking clue what to do.!

I didn't know it was wrong, until I did! Trauma bond what, what TF is that? Lots of therapy and Mary Jane have led me to where I am Today!

What is a trauma bond?

Just like any mental health disorder or traumatic incident, what caused my trauma will never be exactly the same as yours! A trauma bond is different for everyone, effects everyone differently! I've went through some shit in my life, some crazy, traumatizing, mentally, physically and sexually abusive shit!

Sometimes life is still hard to accept! I keep telling myself that I basically "took it for the team", to keep us together! No one came to rescue me!

The trauma bond between my grandparents was a devastating and deeply distressing connection. The bond caused a distorted mix of conflicting emotions, confusion, fear, and a fucked-up sense of loyalty. The bond was basically forged through the manipulation and grooming tactics employed by the both of them, leading me to internalize the abuse as a twisted fucked up form of love and attachment. It took time, literally years to acknowledge that the bond was so unhealthy, harmful, and should have never happened. All of the healing and recovery involved breaking free from the trauma bond, by seeking professional support, and establishing healthy boundaries.

I speak from experience: I had no fucking clue what to do!

Trauma Bonding & Stockholm Syndrome

When a trauma bond is born from sexual abuse and then adding in the abandonment I felt from my parents, it was like an extremely stressful entanglement that echoed in the deepest parts of my lil soul. The strongest feelings of pain and longing, entwining my emotions with my grandparent's manipulations. Their day-to-day tactics created a distorted attachment. In the absence of safety and stability, abandonment became one of my greatest fears, strengthening the trauma bond's grip. This toxic bond blurred boundaries, distorted my perceptions, and brought on what felt like a never-ending cycle of suffering. I would act out, I was confused and held this strong sense of abandonment. I felt trapped and helpless and there was this desperate yearning for escape and healing. I honestly didn't know what to think or do, I was a child! Hearing the words, "If you don't like it here, DHS can take you and separate you kids". Then her go to words was always "no one wants you kids, it's here or DHS can separate you". Shit definitely fucked me up mentally. I couldn't lose the kids; they were all I had; she knew saying shit like that would make me straighten the fuck up!

The distorted dynamics of power and betrayal kind of warped my perception, then led up to a conflicted loyalty and even the strongest emotional attachment. Pretty sure the bond developed as a survival mechanism, my little self was attempting to find safety and stability within the trauma. Breaking free from the psychological entanglement required so much fucking therapy! I am still in therapy; it's been a tough journey of healing and self-discovery.