Mental Health is Real

She Wasn't Ready: Statute of Limitations in Iowa

I don’t even know where to start, my anxiety is so high right now. I quit fighting, because I felt that the statute of limitations in Iowa was not going to change. Well, that is what I thought! I’ve been working on this blog site and this past weekend I was doing some research, trying to site facts on statutes of limitations! I googled statutes of limitations in Iowa, I’ve googled this several times before, it’s been years though! Tears filled my eyes as I read the new statute of limitations on sex abuse in Iowa! The tears were tears of joy, not for myself but for the many others that have gone through or are going through the same fight that I fought! When I read through the new law, emotions came back over me.

I missed the statute of limitations in 2015, I was protecting a sibling that was not ready to come out. At that time, under Governor Branstad the statute of limitations was 10 years after the age of 18, I was 28. I wanted to press charges so badly! My sibling was worried about protecting her family and the disgustingness of people’s judgements! Since I was a little girl, I have been protecting my siblings the best I could! We did not live a normal life, we lived a life of abuse, abandonment and continual judgment! In my heart I felt that I had no choice but to continue to protect her, even though we were adults.

I read over the weekend that the change in the statute of limitations in Iowa makes the state the 14th state to Eliminate the statute of limitations. I got my hopes up, I really did! This morning I called the county attorney’s office for Marion County TODAY, the women that I spoke to was not completely sure on the revisions and asked me to call back at 1PM. Anyone that knows me, knows that at that time my anxiety sky rocketed! I couldn’t help myself, straight back to google. I googled, governor of Iowa Kim Reynolds! Prior to today, I can honestly say that I was not the biggest fan of her. To be honest I didn’t know shit about her, other than she will not legalize weed and they were calling her covid Kim. Okay, so I called her office and spoke to an assistant. All I really wanted to know was, does the bill that covers child sex abuse cover me.? I kind of explained, in 2013 I was 28 and I had been to the police. I explained that the same year my grandmother had gone to the police and told them in great detail how she had seen him touching me and how she went back to sleep, simply because he told her to! The young lady working in the governor’s office was probably like damn! I gave her a lot of sensitive information in a couple ok,f seconds. Her response was that the statute of limitations had been lifted and that it should cover me. In that second, I was overpowered with joy and understandably its emotional and I cried again.

The problem was the law

Then 1 o’clock just came around, the county attorneys office in Knoxville told me to call back around that time. I gave it 15 more minutes and I called at 1:15 PM, anxious AF at this point! The women answered the phone, I could tell in her voice when I said who I was that I was not going to hear what I wanted and needed to hear. The new bill does not cover me, crushed my lil soul again. It does not go back. I was so upset; I couldn’t hide it and the county attorney asked if I have someone to talk to because I was visibly upset. They asked if I’m still in therapy, I am and I go monthly if not biweekly. I am upset, but I am so F’ing happy for the people that the statute of limitations will help, that Iowa has become “WOKE” to the fact that sex abuse ruins lives!

Mental Health is Real

I speak from experience: I had no fucking clue what to do.!

I didn't know it was wrong, until I did! Trauma bond what, what TF is that? Lots of therapy and Mary Jane have led me to where I am Today!

What is a trauma bond?

Just like any mental health disorder or traumatic incident, what caused my trauma will never be exactly the same as yours! A trauma bond is different for everyone, effects everyone differently! I've went through some shit in my life, some crazy, traumatizing, mentally, physically and sexually abusive shit!

Sometimes life is still hard to accept! I keep telling myself that I basically "took it for the team", to keep us together! No one came to rescue me!

The trauma bond between my grandparents was a devastating and deeply distressing connection. The bond caused a distorted mix of conflicting emotions, confusion, fear, and a fucked-up sense of loyalty. The bond was basically forged through the manipulation and grooming tactics employed by the both of them, leading me to internalize the abuse as a twisted fucked up form of love and attachment. It took time, literally years to acknowledge that the bond was so unhealthy, harmful, and should have never happened. All of the healing and recovery involved breaking free from the trauma bond, by seeking professional support, and establishing healthy boundaries.

I speak from experience: I had no fucking clue what to do!

Trauma Bonding & Stockholm Syndrome

When a trauma bond is born from sexual abuse and then adding in the abandonment I felt from my parents, it was like an extremely stressful entanglement that echoed in the deepest parts of my lil soul. The strongest feelings of pain and longing, entwining my emotions with my grandparent's manipulations. Their day-to-day tactics created a distorted attachment. In the absence of safety and stability, abandonment became one of my greatest fears, strengthening the trauma bond's grip. This toxic bond blurred boundaries, distorted my perceptions, and brought on what felt like a never-ending cycle of suffering. I would act out, I was confused and held this strong sense of abandonment. I felt trapped and helpless and there was this desperate yearning for escape and healing. I honestly didn't know what to think or do, I was a child! Hearing the words, "If you don't like it here, DHS can take you and separate you kids". Then her go to words was always "no one wants you kids, it's here or DHS can separate you". Shit definitely fucked me up mentally. I couldn't lose the kids; they were all I had; she knew saying shit like that would make me straighten the fuck up!

The distorted dynamics of power and betrayal kind of warped my perception, then led up to a conflicted loyalty and even the strongest emotional attachment. Pretty sure the bond developed as a survival mechanism, my little self was attempting to find safety and stability within the trauma. Breaking free from the psychological entanglement required so much fucking therapy! I am still in therapy; it's been a tough journey of healing and self-discovery.